トピック: Should democratic nations actively promote the spread of democracy to nondemocratic nations?
I think democratic nations should play a larger role in spreading democracy to nondemocratic nations. There is an array of benefits that a country can enjoy by implementing democracy.
In democracy, citizens, either directly or indirectly, decide the future of a country. In nondemocratic countries, however, people’s freedom is strictly restricted and they can’t make important decisions about the future of the country. When citizens are not happy with the decisions policymakers make, distrust arises and the relation between the government and its citizens deteriorates. The only way to remedy the situation is to allow citizens to participate in the decision making process.
People can reap huge economic benefits by implementing democracy. In democracy, the government do not make excessive intervention in the economic activity, and goods and services are exchanged freely. And as many free economy advocates point out, the economy thrives most when the government makes minimal intervention when necessary.
In a country where freedom is stifled, people’s anger erupts and the country is very unstable and insecure. For example, China’s mainland government meddles too much in the politics of Hong Kong, triggering a series of protests. Students took to the streets and vociferously called for greater democracy. If the mainland government adopts democratic value, people’s anger will be appeased and the situation will be stabilized.
Therefore, I strongly believe that democratic countries should actively promote democratic value. It can ensure greater freedom, boost the economy of a country, and lead to stability and security.
民主主義の3つの利点として、greater freedom、economic gains、security and stability of a countryを選んだが、ポイントが上手くまとまらず、2段落と4段落の一部が似てしまった。普段は段落をFirstly, Secondly, Thirdlyで始めていたが、今回はテンプレを無視したので、ポイントが伝わりにくくなった感じもある。また、民主主義に関する知識もないので、内容面にも不安が残る。英語に関しては、democratic valueをdemocratic valuesにしなければならない。
2段落のremedy the situationはavert such a situationのほうがいい。
4段落のthe situation will be stabilizedをthe situation stabilizedと省略できる気がする。